and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Sorry about my life...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
