How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
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Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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