you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
