Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
