Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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