I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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