Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..