Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
God, I missed his penis.
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