I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.