wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.