Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"