I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.