another moral hangover. fuck.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
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You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
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we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.