I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
