Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The beer is more important than you right now.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
