Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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