i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
