you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
