every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.