It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.