so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Im part way to drunk.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process