Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
