i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
