I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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