Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i used baking grease as lip gloss
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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