and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
