I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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