I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
