two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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