tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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