eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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