I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Never underestimate the power of titties
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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