i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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