I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
