Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
