***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
