Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Holy shit dude........stairs
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