yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
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It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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