I cannot find my penis.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
