I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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