thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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