in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I have fence marks all over my body
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
