it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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