i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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