Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
