Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
