I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
