she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
