I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Drake has all the answers
pray to the hookup gods
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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