Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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