Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
