just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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