are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
