what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
