im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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