2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
