Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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