oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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