if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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