Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
