Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
