Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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