We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
