Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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