Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize