the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
