GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
