so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
