fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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