belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Drake has all the answers
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
