Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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