I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
