i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
