Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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